You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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