i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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