I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
