I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
