u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
