You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
