he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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