Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i have herpe
just one?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
