I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
