if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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