everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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