Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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