pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
