you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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