All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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