hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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