Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
