he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
