i barfeds in our rink
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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