please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Come on in and take your pants off
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