i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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