Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
