So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
