am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
