what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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