i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
