If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
