It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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