you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
