the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize