Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
do herpes really smell.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
