he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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