Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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