good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
