They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize