apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize