the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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