the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
