I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
