Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
