If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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