I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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