Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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