so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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