so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
