I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
