how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize