Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
