the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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