It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
