Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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