I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
