four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize