she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
