Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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