R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They have beer where we have blood.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
