Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
