I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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