we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
