Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
