im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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